Lead for any length of time, and you will have an employee interaction or two that haunts you.
One of mine involved a defiant worker who outright lied about her actions. Inventory tracking systems logged who accessed valuable company resources by badge and pass code. When presented with evidence of her indiscretions, Lisa (we’ll call her) first insisted someone else must have done it, then claimed she returned everything in better shape, so no harm no foul. Lisa had trouble recognizing she had actually damaged valuable property worth tens of thousands of dollars that she wasn’t entitled to touch; major harm, major foul.
Some people would have ignored what Lisa did and simply “let it slide.” Others might not have felt they had conclusive proof. But I live by a principle I call “Firm but Fair.”
The principle of “Firm but Fair” is something basic but profound that was instilled in me by my father who managed Teamsters for 52 years of his life. Firm but Fair means 1) you can’t ignore, 2) you must strive for a standard, and 3) you must not back down.
You Can’t Ignore
I commonly see two main reasons difficult conversations never happen.
I Don’t Know
Life breeds ambiguity, and ambiguity breeds inaction. Parents fail to discipline children because they’re not sure little Johnny stole the cookie. The employee goes unchecked in the face of ambiguity.
Huh? Really? You’re going to let ambiguity manage the future and direction of your company? Are you going to give ambiguity its own office, too? Ambiguity has been given all power.
Investigate. Find out. Put systems in place. Ask. Interview the individual. You’d be amazed what you can find out through a little (correct and collaborative) questioning.
I Wish I Didn’t Know
Maybe knowing or being right about your suspicions means firing your friend, terminating a relative, filing bankruptcy, selling, etc. Perhaps to you facing those realities are far more terrifying than the reality you’re living.
Consider for a moment that I’ve never met anyone who has enjoyed that “trapped” or “stuck” feeling more than moving on. So often the issue appears to be we haven’t thought things through to a solution. Do not be your own worst enemy by not knowing what you want for your own future.
Get on it. Ask yourself whether this reality is okay, and if it’s not, what is? Get crystal clear. Better yet, get firm – but fair. Have the conversation, driving for the change in behavior you require. Set boundaries. Follow up. The key is first gaining the resolve and commitment in yourself regarding what reality you must seek.
How to Be Firm But Fair
Have Standards
A critical key step is to first have standards for performance yourself. A good idea here is to have formalized position descriptions which outline the expectations for a job. At minimum, these should cover responsibilities and authority, measures of success, areas of critical challenge, and statement of purpose or value.
Communicate
It’s critical to communicate expectations early and often. This is especially true for details central to the job or that are not common knowledge. For an example of what I mean by “common knowledge,” knowing how to drive a car is common knowledge. Knowing how to drive a forklift is not.
Return to the Standard
The focus must always be on looking for, mentoring for, and rewarding for the behavior you desire in pursuit of goals. This means when challenges arise and correction is needed, the goal is correction to the standard.
It is not retribution. It is not punishment. It is restoration of correct performance. Being mad is one thing, but if you’re still in that highly emotionally charged state where you’re looking to “get back” at the employee for what they’ve done, it’s time to find a way to relax and find perspective before having the conversation.
Do not dwell on what is incorrect; simply identify it. Do not make what went/is wrong the focus of conversation; simply use it as a bridge in conversation. Make the focus how to attain the attitude, focus, and behavior you desire.
Celebrate Success
Many people question the concept of celebrating success, claiming that “That’s what my employees are paid to do! Why pat them on the back again!” I get it, but that’s not the point. Have you ever completed a job “successfully,” but just barely? Would it have been good to do it a different way the next time? Celebrating success is a moment to do two things: give those who are motivated by praise more than money what they need, and debrief what could be done to help us improve and do even better next time.
You Must Not Back Down
Difficult conversations need to happen. They’re imperative.
You owe It to Your Employee
One of the key imperatives for leaders is to invest in and build subordinates. Failing to do so is failing at one of the key critical duties of a leader. Your employee must learn and improve. For that matter, you also must learn and improve (in this case, regarding your skills in having difficult conversations).
You Owe It to Stakeholders
Few things are more disheartening, demoralizing, and frustrating to good employees than bad employees who go unchecked. Unchecked poor behavior and performance becomes a cancer that spreads poor attitudes.
It is a completely unacceptable and all too common cop-out to adopt the attitude that the behavior isn’t “that bad” and that it will be dealt with when it is “bad enough.” When does “bad” become “bad enough?” The correct standard is behavior that reinforces the values of the organization and advances corporate performance objectives while aligned with corporate goals is good. Anything else is “bad enough.”
You Owe It To The Business
As a professional leader, you by necessity must have standards of performance for your business. Goals, key performance indicators, accountabilities. How can you expect anything less from employees, or anything contrary from employees which might jeopardize the corporate goals or the organization itself?
You Owe It to Yourself
By ignoring a situation you know is wrong, you are betraying yourself. You’re betraying your own sense of what you know is right and good and worthy as a leader. You know you need to address the situation, but you are not, and that you are wrong. You will transition from being disappointed in your employee to being disappointed in yourself. And the only way to break that cycle is to pick yourself up off your butt and to do the necessary. So get it done.
Critical note: If you are stuck, do not know how to break the cycle, or still do not know how to have the conversation, get help now.
Very Firm, Very Fair
Lisa resigned. Life went on without her. Standards were upheld.
Take a moment to take inventory of any challenging conversations you need to have. What’s holding you back and what do you need in order to reclaim your power?
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